Middle age: Crisis or celebration? For me, a celebration!

I'll be turning 45 this month. Yes, not often do women give away their age, but I'm okay with it. :)

What exactly is the "mid-life crisis" that people so often speak of? Is it where people ask themselves "Am I where I hoped I would be?", "Well damn it, I should be at *this* goal but I'm not, now what?". Is it a realization that we're not as nimble as when we were 20?

Whatever it is, I don't see middle age as a crisis. I see it as a celebration, for me at least. Each year is a celebration, because I wasn't even supposed to be here, actually.....

I was born prematurely, at 6 months. Being that technology for premature baby care in hospitals was still very new at the time, I had to be airlifted from the small hospital in the outskirts of Seattle where I was born, to University Hospital in greater Seattle, where their new wing for premature births had just opened, with all the latest medical technology of mid 1960's. The doctors whisked me away from my mother after I was born, trying to keep my tiny lungs from collapsing and to keep my heart beating. According to Mom, I started to come out breech, then the doctor tried to turn me around, then my foot kicked out (hmmm, sign to be a martial artist?), but they finally turned me around. I did not cry at birth, and my appearance made the doctors realize they'd better do something quick. My Mom says that I fit in the palm of the doctor's hand. Wow, hard for me to imagine!

After being airlifted to University Hospital, I was kept in intensive care for 3 months in an incubator, hooked up to breathing tubes and lines stuck into my arms. According to my Mom, several other preemies were in the same room in other incubators...another 6 month old, and a couple 7 month olds. They passed away a few days later. My parents started to freak out....they didn't even name me yet, because they weren't sure if I was going to make it either. My Mom remembers... "When I would see you with all those tubes sticking out, I would always feel faint!" A small hole in my heart was something that the doctors debated about operating on, being cautious as they didn't know if I'd survive the operation. But apparently, the hole closed up on its own and I started to breathe on my own.

After staying in the hospital till "full term", Mom and Dad finally got to take me home. There's a picture my Mom has of my homecoming, and I still ask my Mom to this day "Wow, that was me? I was soooo tiny!" I definitely wasn't the same size as most newborns when they come home.

What's funny, is that I was told by friends that I "change" as the days come nearer to each birthday. Sometimes this "change" might be "spaciness", sometimes incredible changes in temperament, sometimes even changes in "energy". I used to scoff at it, convinced it was all in their heads. But, oddly, as I think back, I remember many occasions *after* my birthday where out of the blue I'd "hear" odd noises like muffled voices, doors opening and closing..."feel" odd sensations like being picked up, hands on me, being cold (even in the middle of summer!), the feeling of being short of breath....and sometimes, I'll pick up the distictive odors of iodine, alcohol, and "new carpet" out of the blue (I still don't understand the new carpet smell!) ! Some have theorized that somehow I "remember" some parts of my months in the hospital, but I honestly don't remember anything specific! Would these changes in temperament and odd sensations be a result of my body "remembering" the trauma?

My Mom has always said "There's a reason why you lived through that, even though those other older babies-bless their souls-did not". To this day I still wonder what the reason is, but I'm guessing the path I've chosen to take has led to me several things: Sharing with others, following my passions, experiencing the many lessons of Love, Happiness, even Anger (and other less than savory emotions), and feeling joy for even the littlest of things. If this is what being "alive" is, and if this is the reason I'm here, then I hope for at least another 45 years.

Mob mentality: Vancouver, what happened?

Last night, Downtown Vancouver BC erupted in violence and looting after the Canucks lost the Stanley Cup final. Story here: http://www.lawofficer.com/article/news/vancouver-hockey-fans-run-wild (thanks to Brian King for the link)

I must say....I AM SO DISAPPOINTED. When we had riots here in Seattle in 1992 about the Rodney King verdicts (http://www.historylink.org/index.cfm?displaypage=output.cfm&file_id=3054) , it was sort of understandable. I was still disappointed in our city back then, about the lack of emotional control that the citiziens of our city displayed. But, I have a few words for Vancouver:

IT IS A FREAKING GAME, FOLKS!
 A GAME! JUST A GAME!Let me reiterate....I'm not disappointed at Vancouver as a city. I'm disappointed at the citizens that CHOSE to throw a temper tantrum just because their team didn't win. I'm disappointed in the women that crashed through stores and stole Coach bags and stole makeup and clothes. I disapointed in the people that didn't care that there were people that just wanted to get out of the riot area. We'd expect this type of behavior from 4 year olds that don't get what they want.....but grown adults. Come on.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I'm better than that and spout fortune cookie wisdom. I'm not going to sit here and type about how badly those riot mongers acted and try to give counsel and advice as to how the violence can be "controlled", nor will I spout off about "Its not about if you win or lose, its about how you play the game". You know why? Because we are HUMAN.

Anger is a secondary emotion. In the case of the Canucks loss, the fan's own disappointment (sadness?) played a big factor. Can you imagine?...after all the buildup of the Canucks making it to the finals, and playing on home turf....can you imagine wanting the victory so badly on your own turf that you could literally taste it? Then being soundly defeated on your turf? I'd be disappointed too! We're human and yes its natural to feel that disappointment.

But what separates rioters from those who can just move on, is how we process that disappointment. It is common for anger to rear its ugly head and cause us to want to inflict the same hurt and disappointment on someone else, or in this case, to destroy the streets of downtown Vancouver. The mob mentality is so easy to get sucked into. All it takes is just a few other people to do what you only think of doing....and if you see others doing it, then it tends to trick our brains into thinking that you now "have permission" to do the same ("if they can do it so can I"). There's a lot of news footage of people standing near burning cars and throwing garbage....do you think they actually thought about the video proof that could land them in jail? Of course not....the only thing that mattered was letting loose of that anger about losing the Stanley Cup.

I'm sure that most of the people that were involved in the looting and violence, would never start such actions on their own. "Strength in numbers". But come on Vancouver brothers and sisters....looting is STEALING for gosh sakes. Vandalism is vandalism, doesn't matter that the Canucks lost and you think its okay that trashing the streets is justified.

This is why I practice martial arts....it allows me to remind myself to keep concentration on myself as well as everybody else. Having been a victim of my own anger and fury, I know how it can affect my critical thinking, problem solving skills, and awareness. I've said and done things out of anger that I've regretted ....and I know that I might give in to anger again. But I can only hope that I can recognized myself when I get to the fury point and "check myself before I wreck myself".

Is "mob mentality" necessarily a bad thing? Not really....depends on what type of mob mentality we're talking about. If a group of people are thinking positively and working toward a good goal, then people call it "Group Support". But if the group is feeding anger to each other, then we tend to call it "mob mentality". But in the end, the group thinking and the cohesiveness of the group is the same....they're both "mob mentality"....but its just a matter of what mentality we choose.

Positive Mob for me, please. :)

Passing on a wonderful blog post from a good friend....

My friend, Jaden Rose Phoenix, of Alchemy Wisdom, posted this wonderful blog post on the subject of "Ego vs. Heart". I just wanted to share it with all of you. :)  http://alchemywisdom.wordpress.com/2011/05/12/the-seduction-of-ego/

"Don't you know who I am??"

"None of our men are "experts." We have most unfortunately found it necessary to get rid of a man as soon as he thinks himself an expert because no one ever considers himself expert if he really knows his job. A man who knows a job sees so much more to be done than he has done, that he is always pressing forward and never gives up an instant of thought to how good and how efficient he is. Thinking always ahead, thinking always of trying to do more, brings a state of mind in which nothing is impossible. The moment one gets into the "expert" state of mind a great number of things become impossible." ~Henry Ford, Sr.

We've all met self-proclaimed "experts" in martial arts or other activities at one time or another. Have you noticed that some of these "experts" might look down their noses at you because you're not quite at their lofty level? Sure, as "experts" they gain success in whatever they do, but many times some end up having their staff do the things that make things happen, while taking the credit of the accomplishments.

Now, I'm not against anyone requiring assistants to move forward in their endeavors....in fact, I think it is necessary to delegate tasks to those willing to assist. However, when we get to a point where we proclaim ourselves as "experts" or "masters", there comes a risk of forgetting all there is left to learn.

"Well, my students call me 'master'", you might say. "Should I ask that they NOT call me by the title?" That's fine. Their willingness to address you as "Master" is their expression of acknowledgment of your time and experience in (insert martial art or activity here). If you've been formally promoted to the title, you've earned it....much like a Doctorate degree (and the title "Doctor" is fitting in that case). However, if you proclaim yourself as a Master, and carry yourself as if you were royalty, saying "What, you don't know who I am??", then your Ego is going to trip you up someday.

What I find amusing, is when people introduce themselves as "Master so-and-so", regardless if it is at a martial arts function or not. What I find doubly amusing, is when people introduce themselves as "Master so-and-so" when meeting a well known and widely recognized Master. "Title-dropping", I call it. Many bona-fide experts do not call themselves "Master", nor do they consider themselves such. The individuals that always strive for learning and growing (regardless of time and experience in the field), are the ones that students are lucky to study under.


Keep the Egos in check. When others give you the honor of choosing to call you "Master", I believe one should acknowledge the honor and move on....knowing then that you've still got a long road ahead.
 
Train hard, be well! Gassho.

Are you a "Teacher", or a "Coach"?

Those of us that have taught martial arts for a long time, know that teaching or coaching people isn't as easy as we thought it would be when we were still a student. We also are aware that Teachers can be coaches, and vice versa. But is there a difference between being a "teacher" and being a "coach?". I'd like to sound off with my views, and I welcome my reader's views as well:

Teachers:
Teachers are mentors, of sorts. They commit a sincere personal interest in you progress, act as a role model, gives you advice and shares their past and present personal experiences throughout your progress. Students know you have an expectation of them, and they trust that you'll guide them.Good teachers know that they have a big responsibility to their student and know that it is a two-way street.....As the teacher teaches, they too learn as well. As the student learns, they too teach the teacher.

Let's compare teachers to...let's say... theatrical directors. Teachers set the stage for the students, teaches them the script and performance, handles rehearsals, and motivates the students into realizing that EVERY day is "opening day".

Coaches:
The term "coach" is sometimes used to even the scales between student and the more experienced coach. In martial arts, many students tend to see the "space" between themselves and the "Master" as a very vast area, whereas the space between a coach and student is a bit less. That's not to say that coaches are "less than" a teacher, because teachers can be very effective coaches as well (and they should be!). The coach tends to focus on your performance, and students may find themselves shouldering the responsibility of performance more, as the coach fine tunes, gives advice, and constructive criticism.

While the Teacher teaches the gamut of "who what when where how why", the coach makes the student responsible for applying those facets into performance.

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In my opinion, these responsibilities are interchangeable, so a good teacher should be both the Mentor and Coach. What do my readers think? Would love to hear your thoughts!

Food Highlight: Guyabano (Soursop)

The Guyabano has long been used in the Philippines and other parts of the world as a food and medicine. With a prickly appearance on the outside, and a wonderful flavor on the inside, this "wonder fruit" is high in carbohydrates, with considerable amounts of Vitamin C, Vitamin B1, Vitamin B2, Potassium and dietary fiber. Guyabano is known to be low in cholesterol, saturated fat and sodium.

Independent clinical studies have shown that guyabano extracts are effective in killing cancer cells while leaving healthy cells intact, suggesting that it might have less adverse effects than regular chemotherapy (which kills healthy reproducing cells as well as cancer cells, which results in hair loss, fatigue, and nausea). However, for some reason, no double-blind clinical tests or trials have been executed as of yet.

Having been raised on natural remedies and the use of herbs and foods for health, I remember my father adding Guyabano to Ginataan* for a delicious dessert, or eating it fresh. With its spiky rind, its a prehistoric looking thing, which made it a fun fruit to eat. Filipinos use the leaves by boiling into a decoction that is used as a tea to help reduce fevers, leaves in a bath help with reducing fever or used in a hot foot soak to relieve foot swelling and pain. Crushed leaves can be applied as a type of compress for rheumatism or skin afflictions such a eczema.

The seeds, by the way, can be crushed and boiled to make a natural bedbugs and mites killer. Just spray onto linens and let dry, then wash the linens. Spray liberally onto mattresses, being sure to spray into the box spring as well. No odors or harmful residues like chemical insecticides.

Medicinal and home uses aside....give Soursop a try. Try it in a refreshing blended bubble tea, Ginataan* (yum!), or even in fried Guyababo (yes, I know fried *anything* can be bad for you, but a little treat every now and then wouldn't hurt, right?)

Fried Guyabano--easy to make!
--Peel Guyabano, slice into pieces and discard the seeds (or use for the bedbugs/mites spray)
-- Dip the pieces in beaten egg & water mixture then dip into flour (some people add cinnamon).
-- Fry in light oil on both sides till brown. Some people like to sprinkle a bit of cinnamon or brown sugar on top, or serve with a splash of honey.

I hope you like Guyabano/soursop!




*Ginataan: Typically a thick dessert "soup" made with thick coconut milk, taro, jackfruit, sweet potato and tapioca pearls. Other fruits are added to taste. Great served hot on cool days, or served cold with a splash of sweet evaporated milk on hot days. Ginataan is also a word sometimes referred to *anything* cooked in coconut milk.

Throwing out the myths of....Meditation

Stock Photos from 123RF

While meditation practice is commonplace in my Tai Chi classes, I've been slow in implementing it into my Wushu and Kung Fu classes. Not because I don't think it is beneficial (I believe meditation is HIGHLY beneficial), but because I didn't think it was something my hardcore Wushu and Kung Fu classes *wanted*.

I know, I know....."teach what you feel is important for the arts, not just what the students want" you might be saying. However, many things popped up into my head, such as "What if the students think I'm trying to 'convert' them to some modality of belief?", "What if they think its too 'woo woo' or 'new agey'?", "How would I convince the die-hard 'kick ass and take names' students that love an intense workout, that meditation is as good for their body as the physical workouts?"

Truth is, I thought too much about what I thought the students *didn't think they wanted* as opposed to *what I know will be beneficial to their training!

So, students.....as much as the exercises, sweat, and toil are important to your physical fitness, meditation is just as important to your mental fitness as well. So, lets debunk some common meditation myths that might be holding you back from this great activity:

Myth 1: I have to be flexible enough to sit in lotus position for long periods:
Although some methods of practice do use the lotus position, you don't have to worry about tying yourself in knots to meditate. Meditation can be done while standing ("zhan zhuang"), sitting in a chair, while moving (as in Tai Chi), or even laying down (however, sleep usually happens after a while!). You can even "meditate" while doing your forms!

Myth 2: Meditation is solely a religious thing:
Sorry to bust your balloon, but it is not. While members in systems such as Zen Buddhism utilize meditation as a part of their practice, meditation itself is NOT solely a religious practice. While some people use the phrase "contemplative meditation" in reference to "prayer", that's just how their particular belief system might label it. However, not all meditation is prayer, so everyone...including Athiests, can benefit from meditation.


Myth 3: Meditation is all about chanting Mantras and putting my fingers together in odd ways:
The use of Mantras and Mudras are just but a few methods that people use while meditating, but are not used as the standard rule for all. Remember, there are many ways to meditate.

Myth 4: Meditation will allow me to get into altered states or give me special powers:
If your only goal in meditation is to get into altered states (much like with the use of drugs) or to attain super powers, then you're missing the point of meditation. To fixate on a goal too much, will take away the benefits if you get stressed out about not meeting a goal. While your mind may give you the sensation of floating, you're not flying. While you might see colors or images, unless you've already taken a drug, you won't "trip out". Does meditation change your brainwaves, though? YES. Scientific studies have shown that the brain undergoes changes from Beta (wakeful) waves to Alpha (relaxed physical and mental state) , and with some practitioners, to Theta (a state of very deep relaxation).

Myth 5: Meditation's goal is true enlightenment and connection to the Universe:
This is where many people think meditation is too "woo woo" or "new agey". Again, if you fixate on the goal of enlightenment you're being too goal oriented and will most likely become frustrated when enlightenment doesn't come (besides, how do you recognize it? Do you wake up one day and just say "Wow, I'm enlightened! I know the Truth!!"). One of my teachers once told me, that people tend to see others as "enlightened"....the enlightened person just goes on about his/her business, never bragging they've reached enlightenment. Any knowledge they have, is simply knowledge, and is normal to the "enlightened" person, not some big, fame-producing thing. So, apparently, if you say you're enlightened, you're really not, its just your Ego talking. Recognizing that you've reached one of many "A-ha!" moments is one of the perks of meditation....enlightenment comes when it comes.

Myth 6: I have to train myself to think of absolutely nothing to meditate:
Your brain will naturally form thoughts.....some you don't acknowledge, and many you do acknowledge. These thoughts are a natural result of our biases, beliefs, upbringing, experiences, expectations, emotions, etc. Many people mistake non-committal meditation as "thinking of nothing". In fact, when we say "clear your mind", we mean "don't attach to your thoughts, fears, concerns, etc". Acknowledge a thought, don't hold onto it, and let it go. Ever watch a DVD and think "Oh! Rewind that! I want to see that again!"?? That's what we do in our minds, many times a day......we hold on to a particular "scene" and replay it, sometimes over and over. Meditation is the opposite....we just watch the whole DVD without rewinding and without getting stuck on any one particular scene.

So...What IS meditation, anyway? It is a form of awareness. Some methods use mantras to focus their minds, some use relaxing music, some sit in silence, some may practice while walking and paying attention to the ground beneath their feet and how their body feels during movement, some may focus on the sound and sensation of their breathing.....there are so many ways to bring a relaxed state of awareness to the body. If you feel sleepy after meditation, then you just relaxed....you weren't "aware". While meditation does help the body relax (which is conducive to sleep), if you are sleepy after meditation then you were merely just going to sleep, not meditating. :)

The benefits are wonderful....less stress,more relaxation, refreshed mental state, broader outlook on personal problems, etc ....although I must point out, these are benefits to the practice, NOT the goal of the practice.

However, for those of you that are dead set on having a "goal" in meditation.....the only goal I can think of, is *well deserved time for yourself* !

I'd love to hear from the readers....Please add your thoughts about other myths of meditation, how your meditate, etc! Looking forward to hearing from you.

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Brainwaves and meditation: (Science Daily) http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/03/100319210631.htm

Meditation research, scientific findings:  
http://www.researchingmeditation.org/

http://www.tm.org/research-on-meditation 

Scientific American: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=meditation-on-demand

International Journal of Psychophysiology: Study- "Effects of Transcendental Meditation practice on brain functioning and stress reactivity in college students" http://www.t-m.org.uk/articles/Effects of TM on brain functioning and stress in students.pdf         Alternate link: http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6T3M-4TJX1PW-1&_user=10&_coverDate=02%2F28%2F2009&_rdoc=1&_fmt=high&_orig=search&_origin=search&_sort=d&_docanchor=&view=c&_searchStrId=1655236106&_rerunOrigin=scholar.google&_acct=C000050221&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=10&md5=00f67966ab7a3e263003abec5c2f3a84&searchtype=a


Header image courtesy of:
Stock Photos from 123RF
Image license purchased by Restita DeJesus

Sorry about tripping into you, I must've stumbled on my own Ego.....

I was watching a video on YouTube about Aikido, and reading some of the comments about the video. "Aikido is fake", "this is lame!",  "No wonder why the guys got beat up, why are they always holding on? Grab something else! so dumb!". Two people got into it over who knew more and arguing about semantics. 

However, nice video, by the way.........

In a way, we all think we're experts "after the fact".....after watching a video or demonstration and then thinking "Pfff...that sucked, I could do way better", "Geez, that person's form sucks!", or "I could beat that guy". Come on.....you mean to say you've never at least *thought* it?     Liar Liar pants on fire! 

I've seen people watch other martial artists sparring at a martial arts event, then find everything wrong with someone's techniques or choices. Usually I find this behavior from people in the audience (not other competitors), and sometimes I want to ask them "How long have YOU been training?".  But you have to remember, its relatively easy to be an armchair critique *after* the match....but wait till you're *in* the action, in real time....its a whole different story. They just don't realize that knowing what to do and applying it are two different things.

There's no use in trying to argue with the audience "martial arts master"....they've got it all figured out and will go out of their way to teach anyone that will listen about their superior knowledge. There they are, barking orders at the martial artists in the ring, telling what to do, what techniques to throw, and what weaknesses the opponent has. Some people will even be so bold as to go to the martial arts official and dispute what they thought was a "bad call.

For these people, I often want to tell them to "shut up and sit down", but in their minds, they know what they're talking about and will refuse to see they're being jerks.

Our minds do funny things when we're right in the thick of the action....it takes training to be able to think on your feet under pressure of a tournament, freestyle demonstration or self defense encounters. What we thought we were so better at, all of a sudden goes out the window when a little stress shows up, and we're forced to eat a little humble pie or put our foot in our mouth.

So for me....in order for me to prevent my putting my foot in my mouth, I try to keep my mouth shut and remember that in the end, it doesn't really matter that I think I'm better, smarter, faster, more logical or have more of a grasp on the science behind martial arts.  What matters is that I improve yourself for the sake of improving, and not necessarily to make other people look like "they suck".  I've stumbled over my own Ego and arrogance more than once, and still do sometimes....its just that now I try to not be so biased and try to see the good in everybody's ways of practice.

Besides, the truly confident people won't give a hoot about what I think anyway.  :)