Partner work: Equal responsibility, maximum benefit

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In pretty much all martial arts, students are expected to do partner exercises. These exercises may be in the form of drills, self defense practice, forms practice, calisthenics, academic work, etc.

As martial arts teachers, I'm sure you'get had this happen at least once (especially in kids classes)....you say "Grab a training partner!", and kids scramble to be with their best buddy, often running across the floor to get their favorite buddy even when there is another child standing right next to them. Or, maybe a duo ends up talking about what they fed their hamsters that day, instead of practicing the drill you gave them. These things can happen in adult classes as well.

Situations such as these are not necessarily a result of poor teaching. (when such situations happened at my school I often wondered what I was doing wrong). Instead, it might be simply that the participants do not understand the purpose of partner work.

So then, what is the purpose of partner work? Obviously, it is used to practice techniques against an "opponent". Or perhaps to work together on a form or a drill. But it is more than that. As a student, when you work with a partner or small group, you have a wonderful opportunity to learn in a way different from solo training. Here are some things to consider:

1) You are responsible for your partner's learning.
Just because you might be better than your partner doesn't mean you should constantly remind them of that. Partners must share equal responsibility for each other's learning. Working with a partner doesn't mean doing your own thing while your partner happens to stand near you.

2) Challenge yourself while doing partner work.
If you are a higher rank working with a lower rank, this doesn't mean you can "lower your standards". Work at the lower ranks level, yes! But don't lower the standards of your own movement. Try your best to provide as best of an example as you can. If working on something very "simple" to you, then challenge yourself to execute as good of form and structure as you can.  If you are a lower rank working with an upper rank, try your best but don't over-think things or become over-critical of yourself. You are not "holding your partner back", he/she is learning just as much as you are. Try to bump your comfort zone up a notch when working with a higher rank, by maybe lowering your stance, trying to up your speed a tad bit, etc. etc.

3) Don't become impatient with each other.
This holds especially true with teachers who demonstrate things while using another student. When you, the teacher, demonstrate with a student, you are doing partner work! Maybe your demonstration partner might react to your strikes a bit differently than what you feel is "normal', or they might make a slight mistake that messes up your flow. You MUST be patient and remember that you too, were once in their shoes. Allow your partners to figure things out as you nudge them along with guidance if need be, and allow mistakes from your partner and most importantly, yourself.

4) Feedback and communication is important.
Many lower ranks assume that they should keep their mouths shut and blindly follow the senior student, if they happen to be working with a senior. Feedback is just as useful for those upper ranks as with lower ranks! If you're working on a joint lock and your partner isn't quite locking it in, go ahead and politely say that it doesn't feel locked in. After all, if you don't say anything, your partner will assume that they are doing it right when they are not. Learn to give positive feedback without becoming "preachy". Nothing is more annoying than partners who appear to talk about everything they know about a particular technique.

5) Regardless of seniority, remember that you and your partner are working toward the same goal.
Whether it is sparring, grappling, push hands, etc.....keep your Ego out of the partner work. Sure, you might be the same rank, but when you start thinking you're "better", there's the possibility that your actions will show it. Then what, all your partner will learn is that you think you're better, or uncontrolled, or impatient, etc.

6) Try to grab training partners of all types....don't stick with just one body type or your best buddy.
Challenge yourself! While its so much easier to work with your best buddy or someone your own height and body type, you will learn a lot by working with varied people. Grab the person standing right next to you. You might make a new friend! If you happen to be standing next to someone, and you take a look at them and walk away to be with your best buddy, you just showed a huge amount of disregard and disrespect to that person.

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Remember, partner work is an activity that your teacher trusts you with. If you are not ready to work with a partner, you teacher will tell you. Don't take it personally if the teacher has you practicing basic maneuvers solo while everyone is practicing with a partner. As I said before, partner work is an activity that requires both people to be responsible for their partner's learning for that period of time. If your teacher needs you to practice your basics for a bit before allowing you to work with a partner, then know that your teacher is simply getting you ready for the other "fun stuff". 

"What's in it for me"?- -Self absorption: Saturated in your own junk.....

Leave Ego aside. If we are too self absorbed, 

we become like a wick saturated in our own oil,

yet not letting others light the lamp.

This results in functional, yet useless lamp.

Okay, I'll admit....I've been guilty of "self absorption". We all are self absorbed to some degree or another. Thinking about our own needs and desires is a motivating factor to keep us plugging along and going forward with our goals and aspirations. This is good! If we lose that sense of self-importance that motivates us, we would sit around and become stagnant.  However sometimes we all go through phases where the self-absorption begins to turn too severe selfishness. When we forget about everything else and make the world revolve around us, we miss out on a lot of things.

During a self-reflection after one of my usual meditation sessions a few months ago, I came upon the realization that a period of time had been based around my self-absorption, instead of what I really *am*.  Common thoughts in my head during this time were "What's in it for ME?" "How do I benefit?" "What do I get if I do this or that?".  I found myself getting frustrated or impatient when things weren't happening fast enough.

As I arose from my meditation bench, I asked myself several things:

1.What do I truly enjoy in life and with other people?

2. What exactly are the needs, goals, and desires that I need for myself?Whtat do I feel is "missing"?

3. What do I consider as "reward"? Will the world end if I don't get the exact rewards I seek?

4. Can I still be able to share with others, and still attend to my needs, goals, and desires?  

Do you find yourself frequently asking things like "What's in it for me?", "How will this benefit me? What can I get if I agree to that?".  Granted, I run a business and I "should" be asking these questions to benefit my business. But I'm not talking about finding ways to market my business or finding opportunities for the benefit of my business. I'm talking about doing things merely for the benefit of my Ego. I'm talking about manifesting things only if we're guaranteed some type of reward, money, or recognition. I'm talking about only paying attention to activities or people only if they have a role in benefitting our Ego and personal gains.  

Let's ask ourselves.....When was the last time we manifested something wonderful for *other people* other than ourselves? When was the last time we enjoyed helping others without the expectation of reward? When was the last time we willingly gave your time instead of feeling that we wasted it? When was the last time we accepted a long line at the bank or something breaking down instead of getting upset that the world isn't doing our bidding at the time we demand it? When was the last time we asked how the other person was doing before talking about our own things?

Also, let's listen to ourselves....in any situation, listen to how many times  the word "I" comes into thoughts. If we find ourselves always asking "What's in it for me??", acknowledge it and think about your next step. Think outside your box and see things from the outside looking in. Think about the other person and/or their situation as well.  I'm not saying that we should sell oursevles short....on the contrary.... I'm just saying "Get your Ego out of the equation". Or...."Get your head out of your...." Well, you get the picture.

Although I never outwardly and rudely asked out loud "What's in it for me?" whenever situations or opportunities arose, I did find myself thinking it a lot. Things became motivating factors only if there was reward. For a bit of time, I lost a little bit of who I really was and I didn't notice I was doing it.  I decided to re-invest my time in doing what I enjoy and sharing with others....all the while still attending to my needs and goals. I remembered that giving away my time was not necessarily "wasting" it. I remembered that the world wouldn't end if I didn't get rewards all the time. I remembered the joys of knowing that great people are blessings in our midst, not merely network spokes on the benefit hub.

We all can benefit from toning down our self-absorption.......You might be surprised that when we give ourselves for the greater good of others, the benefits we seek show up on their own.